So I was just writing an email to some long lost somebody or something and was trying to explain that I was almost done with culinary school, but not completely. And I typed a phrase that I have said probably a bajillion times in my life, and hopefully have never written before: "For all intensive purposes."
Staring at it, I had that sinking, sneaking-up-on-you-from-the-back feeling that this phrase was not right, because it made no sense, but also that everyone else knew that it was not right. And that I had been using it with out ever questioning what it might mean. And that I was 31 now, so should have already discovered this remnant of growing up in a state where we pronounce "roof" as if it was the sound a dog makes, and ten and tin as if they were homonyms.
So just fyi, peeps:
For all intents and purposes, childhood will make a fool of us all.
KThxBai Midwest! Smooches!
24 July 2008
20 July 2008
Sunday Ennui, Conquered by Guacamole
Know what makes you feel better when you are facing a lonely Sunday evening? Guacamole and home made tortilla chips. That's right. Salty, crunchy, golden chips laden with bright, spicy avocado, playing nicely with ripe summer tomatoes and red onion. Has any one ever found a better food that guacamole? No. They haven't.
That's right, feed your emotions, badger, feed the emotions. That's how we keep our trim figure.
That's right, feed your emotions, badger, feed the emotions. That's how we keep our trim figure.
10 July 2008
Oh Morning Before
Went to karaoke at a gay cowboy bar after work. Not a great plan. Here is a serial haiku expressing my emotion for me:
Oh Random warbling.
You are so fun at the time.
After many drinks.
But tomorrow morn
I will rue the day, oh yes
There is no free lunch.
Hungover, the game.
Trying to work, the purpose.
Oh, who will triumph?
Thanks ancient Japanese art form! Your poor translation into English syllable-use make expressing drivel so very easy! And fun!
Oh Random warbling.
You are so fun at the time.
After many drinks.
But tomorrow morn
I will rue the day, oh yes
There is no free lunch.
Hungover, the game.
Trying to work, the purpose.
Oh, who will triumph?
Thanks ancient Japanese art form! Your poor translation into English syllable-use make expressing drivel so very easy! And fun!
09 July 2008
Wherewithal, The Not Having of It.
I've sat down to write a blog post about fifteen times in the last six weeks, but at each attempt the screen sits there, an unblinking eye, and I end up slowly backing away and turning it off.
Actually, I click to some other place the requires less work, like facebook, or gawker, or one of the many fine places to see boys with out shirts on.
To that end, I have decided that in order to be able to write, I must summarize what has been happening. This is also why I am bad at writing letters or keeping a diary. I feel the compulsion to ensure the stories are continuous. I present the last two months, in telegram form.
SISTER GRADUATED FROM UNIVERSITY WENT HOME WAS NICE FAMILY IS TOO MUCH SOME TIMES STOP
NEPHEW Q BORN VERY CUTE BUT LOOKS LIKE ANGRY POTATO RIGHT NOW NIECE K IS VERY FUN AND CUTE BROTHER AND SISTER-IN-LAW DOING VERY WELL THANK YOU NOT HAVING ANY MORE KIDS EVER STOP
TURNED 31 WENT HIKING ATE CRABS DRANK BEER EXCELLENT DAY WAS HONESTLY TOO TIRED TO CARE ABOUT GREATER IMPLICATIONS WILL SOMEDAY REFLECT ON LIFE BEING SAND THROUGH HOURGLASS ETC STOP
WORK GOING WELL SPEND 60 PLUS HOURS A WEEK THERE SO IT BETTER BE GOING WELL LEARNING A LOT SOMETIMES WISH FOR A WEEK AT THE BEACH STOP
SISTER DECIDED RECENTLY EARNED DEGREE NOT WHAT SHE WANTS FROM LIFE WILL BECOME DIESEL MECHANIC NOT REALLY SURE WHAT THAT MEANS BUT SHE SEEMS ECSTATIC SO I WILL BE ECSTATIC FOR HER STOP
WENT TO FOLKLIFE FESTIVAL LEARNED ABOUT BHUTAN DID YOU KNOW THEIR ONLY VEGETABLE IS THE CHILE THEY MUST SPEND A LOT OF TIME ON THE JOHN AN ANCIENT AND INTERESTING CULTURE STOP
BIKE GOT STOLEN BOUGHT NEW ONE FOR MANY A DOLLAR HAD A FIGHT WITH BOYFRIEND ABOUT PROFLIGATE SPENDING OF MY OWN MONEY WAS STILL WORTH IT BIKE IS AWESOME STOP
LEANNE RIMES ATE AT RESTAURANT HAD A SALAD FELT BRIEFLY CONNECTED TO THE WORLD AT LARGE THEN GOT BORED WITH IT DANA PERINO THE PRESS SECRETARY FOR PRES BUSH CAME IN TO EAT THOUGHT ABOUT RUBBING HER FOOD ON MY BALLS BUT DIDNT BECAUSE I TAKE SOLACE IN MORAL SUPERIORITY STOP
LACK OF PUNCTUATION ANNOYING AND NOT CONDUCIVE TO STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS STYLE OF WRITING WHERE ARE MY BELOVED COMMAS AND SEMICOLONS STOP
Actually, I click to some other place the requires less work, like facebook, or gawker, or one of the many fine places to see boys with out shirts on.
To that end, I have decided that in order to be able to write, I must summarize what has been happening. This is also why I am bad at writing letters or keeping a diary. I feel the compulsion to ensure the stories are continuous. I present the last two months, in telegram form.
SISTER GRADUATED FROM UNIVERSITY WENT HOME WAS NICE FAMILY IS TOO MUCH SOME TIMES STOP
NEPHEW Q BORN VERY CUTE BUT LOOKS LIKE ANGRY POTATO RIGHT NOW NIECE K IS VERY FUN AND CUTE BROTHER AND SISTER-IN-LAW DOING VERY WELL THANK YOU NOT HAVING ANY MORE KIDS EVER STOP
TURNED 31 WENT HIKING ATE CRABS DRANK BEER EXCELLENT DAY WAS HONESTLY TOO TIRED TO CARE ABOUT GREATER IMPLICATIONS WILL SOMEDAY REFLECT ON LIFE BEING SAND THROUGH HOURGLASS ETC STOP
WORK GOING WELL SPEND 60 PLUS HOURS A WEEK THERE SO IT BETTER BE GOING WELL LEARNING A LOT SOMETIMES WISH FOR A WEEK AT THE BEACH STOP
SISTER DECIDED RECENTLY EARNED DEGREE NOT WHAT SHE WANTS FROM LIFE WILL BECOME DIESEL MECHANIC NOT REALLY SURE WHAT THAT MEANS BUT SHE SEEMS ECSTATIC SO I WILL BE ECSTATIC FOR HER STOP
WENT TO FOLKLIFE FESTIVAL LEARNED ABOUT BHUTAN DID YOU KNOW THEIR ONLY VEGETABLE IS THE CHILE THEY MUST SPEND A LOT OF TIME ON THE JOHN AN ANCIENT AND INTERESTING CULTURE STOP
BIKE GOT STOLEN BOUGHT NEW ONE FOR MANY A DOLLAR HAD A FIGHT WITH BOYFRIEND ABOUT PROFLIGATE SPENDING OF MY OWN MONEY WAS STILL WORTH IT BIKE IS AWESOME STOP
LEANNE RIMES ATE AT RESTAURANT HAD A SALAD FELT BRIEFLY CONNECTED TO THE WORLD AT LARGE THEN GOT BORED WITH IT DANA PERINO THE PRESS SECRETARY FOR PRES BUSH CAME IN TO EAT THOUGHT ABOUT RUBBING HER FOOD ON MY BALLS BUT DIDNT BECAUSE I TAKE SOLACE IN MORAL SUPERIORITY STOP
LACK OF PUNCTUATION ANNOYING AND NOT CONDUCIVE TO STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS STYLE OF WRITING WHERE ARE MY BELOVED COMMAS AND SEMICOLONS STOP
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