13 August 2007

Apartment, Found.

At long last, the contract is signed, the ink has dried, and a breathtaking sum of money has been wired to the landlord. We have a new place to live.

After looking at 32 apartments (that's right. Thirty-two. Not a typo.), one worked out. It's a one bedroom with a great kitchen only three blocks from the metro. It's a hundred dollars more than we wanted to spend, but considerably better than anything else that we saw.

What have I learned from looking at thirty-two apartments in our nation's capital? Oh, I've learned a lot. Get a drink.

(1) Real estate agents are full of shit. At all times. They speak a language that, while similar to standard English, is not really English.
(a) Cosy means so small you can cook a delicious omlette while simultaneously bathing.
(b) Charming means decrepit.
(c) One Bedroom sometimes means an apartment with one, separate room for sleeping, but it also means studio, efficiency, one big room for everything, or livingroom with attached closet that you could sleep in if you were 4'2. Studio and efficiency also have variable meanings, but often they mean closet with a stove and a toilet.
(d) You are going to love it means "this building is currently on fire".

(2) People who own property are incapable of telling the truth about their own buildings.
(3) "Convenient to Metro" indicates that, from the property in question, it would be convenient to be able to fly to the station, because otherwise you are looking at a half hour walk.
(4) People don't like it when you point out what can generously be called embellishments, but more honestly can be called lies:

Agent: "This apartment is a steal for 1400 dollars! It's metro adjacent and has alot of charm!"
Me: "It's in Anne Arundel County. And there is a racoon living in the ceiling."
Agent: "Well, the owners might not like to rent to a person with a negative attitude."
Me: Punching the agent in the head until their ears bled.

(5) You will hate finding an apartment more than almost any other thing you have to do in life.
(6) Karma does not apply to the real estate market. Mother Theresa would be hard pressed to find an affordable one bedroom in this town.
(7) This process will be easier if you just break in a window and squat in an unused condo. I know that's what I am going to do next time.

So, up next! Moving fun! Plus, a chance to explore our new neighborhood, Capitol Hill. Huzzah!


Princess Amber said...

Hooray! Finally! Can't wait to visit.


ataraxia said...

Welcome to the Hill - I searched for 3 months until I finally decided on the absolute best area in DC (I'm sure others will argue!). It is a great area and, contrary to popular belief, it is not crawling with Hill-staffer rats at all times (they go home to VA). You'll love it here!


katastrophe said...

the power of me compelled you!
the power of me compelled you!

Diva in DC said...

I'm dreaming of the day where I will be happy with where I am living. Is it possible to find a decent (AKA not scary) place to live that has parking (not street parking) and that doesn't cost an arm and a leg? Eh, I want to go back to Michigan.

Elisa said...

both-ends-poop-realtor looks like me. Great sadness!