01 March 2008

I hate you, March.

March is the month that I hate the most. I know most people bitch on endlessly about February. They are wrong. I ask you: what's so bad about a month in which depression is allowed, it's cold all the time so you had better spend it under a blanket reading books and watching moves, and that has a pleasing, exactly four week long time period? Except every fourth year? When leap day is sort of an exciting non-event? Nothing is so bad about that, especially compared to some of the other loser months.

No, March is the bee in my bonnet. The thorn in my side. The apple of my eye? I never understood how to use that last one. I hate that the whole month is about getting ready for spring. Everyone is going to start talking about it. We are all going to be on the look out for stupid signs of spring, e.g. bunnies, birds, sunny days, trees that don't look dead. But I have news for you: Spring doesn't happen in March. Oh, now before you inund
ate me with ones of emails about how spring is totally awesome and how it DOES get warm in March, I ask that we consider the facts before the spin.

March is cold. Get used to it. Yeah, there might be a warm day here or there, but it will never be as warm as you think it is going to be so you will spend the afternoon shivering and rubbing your arms to return feeling to your hands because you, ever the fool, thought that it was warm enough to go with out a jacket. God I hate March.

March is windy. 'In like a lamb, out like a lion' mom used to say. While she was full of crap on many other topics (what girls want, the importance of popularity in high school, how being yourself will win lots of friends), she was right about this. From whe
re I am sitting this fine March morning, it's pretty calm. So, applying basic algebra to meteorology (a win-win situation if I ever heard of one), get ready for a few days of hurricane gale. Also, it will still be cold. Stupid March.

I hate looking for signs of spring, which don't really happen in March in the mid-Atlantic.
Coworkers: Oh wow! Did you see the daffodils bloomed in front of the building?? How great! It's really going to warm up soon!
Me: Uhhhh, did you not notice the landscaping company planting those very same flowers this morning? Remember how yesterday there was just a lot of ground cover there, and now, magically, it's all flowers?
Coworkers: We hate you.

March is stupidly long. Why give 31 days to a month that has so littl
e going for it? Let's lop off a couple and give them to other months that are relegated to 30 day status. But not February. I like that it's short.

In summary, March is cold, windy, long, and everyone acts like an idiot.

This lady totally loves March, but it screwed her over again because it's cold and she didn't wear a jacket. Also, she thought she saw a baby bird, but it turned out to be chewed gum.


HRH King Friday XIII said...

Brother! I too hold comptempt for the month of March ever since I moved to the east coast.

english guy said...

I have my doubts about April as well.

the princess said...

March is now my favorite month becuase I have 10 days off. April and May are going to really suck ass, though.

Anonymous said...

Sorry..I love March..and any other month that is cool. I lived in the sunbelt sooo long.