90 Bus Versus 70 Bus, A Comparison

Some of you might think that I write about Metrobus a little but too much. Rest you assured, you have never been more wrong. There is no possibility for this to be true. Metrobus, even when awful, is awesome, even if it is awesome just for it's sheer awfulness. Circular logic? Never heard of it. Must be big in Japan.

Some friends of mine like to claim that the 90 bus is the worst bus in the District, while I contend, after living for more than a year on Georgia Ave, home of the 70 bus, that the 70 bus is the bus that epitomises the "bus" experience. What, pray tell, is the "bus" experience? You'll understand by the end of this post.

Today I had the pleasure of riding both buses. That's right. I did it on purpose. For you. I'm always doing things for you.

First, The Ninety Bus:

Requisite person with missing limb, requisite person in a wheel chair. These two things are required for ALL 90 bus trips. I don't know if Metro issues every bus with a set of each or if there is just some unstudied symbyosis. The bus stopped on average twice a second to let on ten people and let off two people. Buy the time I got off the bus there were people sitting on the roof a-la-indian train.

The Seventy Bus:

I sat in urine. When I jumped up in disgust/horror, the woman behind said "What, you didn't smell the seat before you sat? Foolish!"

Any bus line where customers would be expected to smell the seats for urine wins, hands down. Game. Set. Match.

Sidenote: Ignore the sirens you might be currently hearing. It's just the fire department attempting to douse a blaze in my front yard. It's amazing how much gasoline urine-soaked pants require to ingnite, but once they do, stand back, friends.

Metro staff perform a routine cleaning of a 70 bus.