I'm not. Uhhhhh. Drinking.

So let me tell you a story. Mom, this is one of those times that you might want to, say, not read any more. You've been warned.

I like booze. A lot. It's the best. We've been BFF since I started drinking. There's so much to love! Available in multiple colors, flavors, sizes, strengths and combinations! Cheap beer for white trash times, expensive beer for city-living times, cheap wine for most of the times, expensive wine for foodie times! And then the liquor! Hurray. What other intoxicant offers both social acceptance AND the ability to be a snob about it when need be?

Cigarettes lost that along time ago- everyone acts as if lighting up is the equivalent of pooping on a public sidewalk. Marijuana used to have sort of an acceptance amongst a section of the population, and it definitely still has its devotees, but it never was able to break out into the mainstream. Cocaine? Maybe socially acceptable for clubbing and the like, but who wants to go down to the corner pub to do a few lines? Nothing relaxes me like hanging out with five people who all feel the chemically-induced urge to talk at the same time! Plus, what, it comes in white and that's it? No mixers? No different flavors? What is this, a commodity?

No, it's brother booze for me.

But the other day I woke up feeling predictably horrible and I had a thought: do I always feel like this in the morning, or is it all that wine I drank the night before? And I have to say I don't know. I have absolutely no idea.

Because I can't remember not drinking at least one glass of wine or a beer or a cocktail or something during the course of a day. Can't. Remember. I think it was last winter when I got sick. It's a chilling thought. So I am taking a week off from the drinking. It was daunting at first. I was kind of worried that maybe I would find that I was much more in the thrall of the bottle that I had assumed. Cause if it's always around, who knows? The good news is that it has been really easy. Simply replace booze with something not quite as delicious and life continues on. End of story.

Here are my discoveries:

• I still feel like crap every morning.
• All that forgetting stuff? Yeah, that's because I am forgetful. Seems to have nothing to do with drinking.
• Late at night, I feel tired. That seems to also have nothing to do with the booze.
• Know what is great about not drinking? I'm five days in and I lost six pounds. That's right! Booze has calories! Unacceptable.
  

I'm out to finish my week. I started the week on the wagon, and I'll finish it on the wagon. And then I'll go on a bender. Kidding.

It does throw into relief how hard it must be for people who do not drink because they are alcoholics or religious or just don't like alcohol. So much of what there is to do during a cold November (well, so much of what I am used to doing- I suppose there are church pot lucks and bible studies and book burnings that I am missing out on) involves going out for a drink, going to a friends house for a glass of wine, having a beer and reading on the couch.

And I kind of miss that part of it.

Tea anyone? No? Oh. Right. Tea does suck.