27 July 2006

An Open Letter to the Naked Fat Guy

Dear Fat Naked Guy on 16th Street:


I know that you paid top dollar for that condo. I know that you should be allowed to use the space as you see fit, but just to clarify: those huge plate glass windows that allow you to get a great view of the street in front of you? They also allow us to watch you rhythmically drying your rolls of fat. And your balls. Don't forget that we can see your balls, too.


Quit it. Right now.


Love,

The 16th Street Public


Today was the second time I have seen him. He seems to have a pattern. My brave steed, the S1 bus, was idling at the stop light when I looked up from the Post. There he was. Again. He seems to always be watching TV while drying. His towel was blue. And very small. And when he got done drying his belly, he changed channels, and then put one foot up on a chair to dry his left leg. That's when the gasp escaped from the seats in front of me, and a woman's voice rang out “Dios Mio sus huevos!”. I have to say, dearest reader, we were all thinking about his huevos, as they were swinging in the weak morning light.


That's when he put something into his mouth. I couldn't see what it was but my brain has decided that it was bacon. A big fat naked guy showing his balls to the world and eating bacon.


Morning, DC!

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

If you don't like freshly showered, fat naked people who forget to close their blinds, I suggest you avert your eyes if ever in northern Virginia around 4 pm.

I say you be grateful he's bathing, and not sitting his fat sweaty self next to you on that bus. And definitely start packing a high powered digicam.

Anonymous said...

Identify the address. Or perhaps the building and floor. We all want to know. Plus, once the bloggeratzi start camping out, he'll get the picture.

Sweet said...

I wonder if he knows people can see him? Sounds a little exhibitionist to me.

Anonymous said...

How else am i supposed to dry myself? watching tv while eating breakfast and drying myself -- don't mock my multitasking. If you don't like it, don't look up.

Chrisafer said...

I must get on the S1 after this... sight.

Phew.

Anonymous said...

Yet another reason to have a digital camera on you AT ALL TIMES! Signed, your favorite Jewish Argentine.

Anonymous said...

Hello Shiftless badger,
This is drt in Japan. Generally we are lucky as regards this kind of thing but quite often drt has to deal with naked Watari and sometimes even a little cross dressing Heffernan. It aint a pretty thing at all.
Good luck with the chubbys!
drt

Anonymous said...

I want to know the cross street, too. U take that same bus and I've never seen this fat man. And besides the smells of summertime in Chinatown, I have nothing to recoil at during my commute.

Mari said...

I'm so glad the fat man across from me FINALLY put in blinds. Maybe, maybe after someone posts a picture of said naked man violating the streets of DC (it must be against the law to show his naked bacon eating body to an unwilling public), he might consider giving a call to Blinds to Go.