30 July 2006

Where have all the Interns gone?

Last night, conducting excellent research out and about the Adams Morgan area, I realized that it was a quiet Friday night. There was much less shrill 21-year-old-girl screeching filling the night air. There were many fewer flipped collars. There was a noticeable lack of general assed-ness in the area. I drank many a beer with out any girls telling me that they are bored, or getting beer spilt on me by those who cannot hold their liquors like the King. That's when I realized that the season is at it's end. The interns are gone. Or if not gone, going home.

Bon Voyage, fair interns: You brought youth and vitality, spilled it onto my going out shirt, and now you will go away. Take these pieces of knowledge back to your Arizona State University, back to UConn, back to Fordham (is this even a real university? I question.) Tell your friends, go to your classes, and next time you come back be ready to not run up the real estate market with daddy's money.

Things You Will Tell People You Learned In DC (and What You Really Learned):

  1. How to Take Metro (You really learned that you don't like public transportation because it requires you to wait, to be patient, and to sit with people who smell. From now on you will drive everywhere and then complain about traffic. When you return I recommend living in Northern Virginia)

  2. How Things Work in Our Nation's Capital (how happy hours work, what the best place to hook up is, where to get things drycleaned, that your office internet filter doesn't recognize myspace or facebook yet, so you spent countless hours updating your profile about your going to happy hours and hooking up)

  3. How to Make It On Your Own (if Dad paid for almost everything, then basically you didn't learn anything. Keep that in mind- that's kind of the way it will work for the rest of your life.)

  4. How to Work Hard (you really figured out the most important skill you ever will come across- looking busy at work while really continuing to do things that matter to you. Well done. Don't forget this, it is the holy grail of working.)

That's all you learned. Trust me. I was watching you.


MB said...

Where have all the interns gone? Where have all the blog posts gone???

Mango de Mallorca said...

eYou forgot an important lesson that they learned: how to call themselves "young professionals" without a tinge of irony.