27 August 2006

Couch Pooping Needs

Last night I went to Silver Spring, MD. For those of you who don't live in DC, it is right out side of the district on one of the main train lines. It used to be, when I came here years ago, pretty crap, with the exception of the Tastee Diner. Tastee Diner rules supreme. They share my philosophy that breakfast isn't a meal with out pork products. Anyway, while I wasn't looking (and also living thousands of miles away) Silver Spring became all redeveloped and is like a cross between a shopping mall and a real town, which people: we are going to have to just accept that this might be as good as it gets. Yes, there is a Borders and other chain stores. But what ever- whiteflight/ pesticides in farming/ walmart/ outsourcing / big box store phenomena was all caused by voting republican and buying crap we don't need, so reap your rewards unwashed masses. I, again, digress. Plus, I like Borders.

We went to watch the free outdoor movies. It was Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Or at least I think it was- I couldn't really tell as the number of jabbering children, screaming babies and general chaos made the experience closer to trying to watch an instructional video while fleeing a burning building. Difficult.

Babies are ugly. But we have alot in common: eating, wanting to eat, sleeping.

Those kids... those damn kids. I feel like I should be shaking a pitchfork at them. How passé is it for childless young people to wax annoying about how they never think they could handle children? Verily, I say: very passé. I mean, none of us think that we could ever handle sitting in a cubicle and seething about our current life path, but we seemed to adjust to that pretty well. I thought I would never stop listening to Metallica and drinking beer from a keg, but I got used to not doing either of those things (well, very much. Some times I have to fire up the Metallica and drink bad suds from a plastic cup. Judge away cruel world, but the memory remains).

Bad beer in plastic cups? How can I say no?

I'll tell you the truth: I'm not scared of those kids. I know I could handle them. Kids like me. I know what to do with kids: build a fort, watch cartoons, eat sugary snacks until the situation reaches critical mass, then, everyone breaks for a nap. It's not rocket science. It's just that if you can't get kids the biological way (and trust me, we keep trying, but the boyfriend refuses to become pregnant) it seems like an awful lot of work just so that someone can poop on your couch. I mean, I am sure there are people who would volunteer to do that for relatively little hassle. That would bring it's own phalanx of problems, but a dog, oh yes, a dog would do it while you were at work, saving time. It's really a win-win situation.


Sassenach said...

Eeeh. It's not the kids that are awful. It's the parents. Too many are either a) afraid to discipline their own children or b) think the rest of us find rudeness and inconsideration "adorable." We took our daughter to plenty of events in D.C. and we never permitted that kind of behavior.

In a Virginia toy store, I witnessed a 3 year old destroy a display and refuse to respond to the REQUESTS of his father to come away. The father finally leaned down and whispered, "I'll get you an ice cream," and the boy agreed. Who's in charge of that family?

I guess you hit a nerve with this post.....

MB said...

Silver Spring subscribes to the philosophy of "wait-until-Monica-moves-away-and-then-start-being-semi-livable." Also known to happen to Dallas and somewhat to our home sweet home in America's heartland (Target AND Home Depot in the same town - you must be kidding me!)

PS Free, outdoor movies always suck. I'll suck it up and pay if I get AC and relatively few bugs. Though I did see the dollar theater near us is now FOUR DOLLARS. WTF!!!!

Anonymous said...

will you be my baby daddy?

Ar-Jew-Tino said...

Babies are stupid. Scientists performed an experiment a few years ago in which they placed a human baby and a baby deer in the woods and had a black bear attack them. They observed that the baby deer was able to get on its legs and run away: SMART. The human baby just sat there crying and got eaten: STUPID.