26 March 2007

Conference, Day 2

Day one was spent collecting free swag from the conference floor. So
there aren't really any good stories. Just a lot of pens,
highlighters, brochures and key rings. There was even someone here
who was selling a machine that writes your name on a piece of rice.
Really, if you think about it, that is the gift that keeps on giving.
Oh fundraisers. You're so silly.

This morning's first session went like this:

Transcribed from the margins of my session guide book, where I keep
all the important observations:

8:05 am The coffee and pastry that was promised by the conference
handbook? Non-existent. So now, hungry, tired and sitting in a room
full of people in frump suits with big hair.
8:12 am The presenter, a mid-fifties mom-type lady just referenced
Harold and Kumar Go to Whitecastle. I would have been less surprised
if she had just dropped the f-bomb. Inexplicable.
8:23 am Today's word: unfolds. It's been used four times since the
H&K reference.
8:26 am "We call fundraising Friendraising". No. No, we do not do that. Ever.
8:36 am I missed the lead up to this statement because I was writing
some notes, but "donors have placed a curse on all of your houses".
Uhhhhh… what?
8:37 am We just chanted, in unison, about donor lists. *Urge to kill rising.*
8:49 am Opening line for a thank you letter from the Alzheimer
Foundation: "You remembered for those who can't." Does it make me a
bad person that I think this is possibly the funniest opening line
ever? They must be mad hilarious over there at the Alzheimer
9:03 am Quote of the morning: "This is the most interesting thing of
all". No, I doubt that very much. If the most interesting thing of
all was said at nine o'clock in the morning in a conference room in
Dallas, Texas, I am pretty sure the universe would implode.

More about Dallas's Bars for Boys tonight...off to peruse more swag.


Princess Amber said...

I think with our brilliant minds, we could come up with a whole host of those intrs and sell them, like Hallmark greetings. How about a colon disease fund using 'You cleaned out for those who can't'?
Your turn.

Coach said...

Can you repeat that joke about Alzheimers letter?

MB said...

I don't get it - why are you attending the sessions again?