06 June 2007

Apartment Hunting : Like An Autumn Leaf Falling into a Pool

In the Japanese school of thought, the secret to a happy life is to ensure that your way of living keeps you in harmony with the rest of the world. It's called keeping the Wa. Wa is when everything is in balance. Any move you make should be like a leaf falling into a pool: gently, with out reverberation. In that spirit, my last five apartment viewings, in serial haiku form.

Apartment Twelve

I'm sorry we broke
your country, Vietnamese
Man. But really dude

You have balls of brass
to ask $1100
for a deep dark hole.

Maybe this is a
vain attempt to pay us back?
Not cool. Let it go.

Apartment Thirteen

McWhat. Ad sez one
bedroom in nice building.
Building is on fire.

Apartment Fourteen

Wait, what? Oh, yes please!
Nice and spacious. Hardwood floors.
I'm writing a check.

Oh, this apartment
is 250 more
than advertised? Hmm.


Apartment Fifteen

What ever. I'll take it.
It's fine. Here's my check. Take it.
What's that? Other people?

They want it too? She
clerks for Ruth Bader Ginsberg?
Uhhhh, I can eat my

Weight in pork rinds. Oh.
You are giving it to her.
That's fine. You die now.

Apartment Sixteen

Angry faces look at
Me as I cruise by on my
Bike. I hear "Whitey".

It was the first time
anyone ever said that.
To me. Did not like.

Apartment Seventeen

I am so tired
I could weep. Broken floor, leaks,
bugs. No. Never. No
In retrospect, this was nothing like a leaf falling into a pool of still water. Really, it was more like a fat man cannonballing into a pool filled with old people.

The Japanese have
the wrong idea about
apartment hunting.

Fuck going gently
into the night. Rage and angst
are what is needed.

We have to move out in 17 days. Holy crap.


Princess Amber said...

Oh! I had no idea you had to move out! I thought you just wanted to move. That puts a whole new spin on things.

And reading your haiku reminds me that I used to love writing haiku in the middle of free time lessons. This is my favourite

yawn yawn evil spawn
rue the day you were born
none of us like you