27 July 2007

Realignment, or, F**k You with Something Hard and Sandpapery.

I've been made redundant. Downsized. Rightsized. Realigned. According to my superior, the organization has pivoted. They hope that I can pivot with them. They also hope that if I cannot pivot with them, the mean three weeks of severance they offered will be enough time to get me a new job. Which is hilarious, considering that the time from interview to job offer at my office is around seventy-five days. So, pretty much, it's been 'thank you very much for your year of service. Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.'

Also, they think that I have taken twice the vacation days that I actually have. Which I will have to fight for tooth and nail, I am guessing. Sigh.

If I have any advise for the workers of the world, remember that you owe your organization two weeks notice, and nothing else. Yes, yes, I can hear you saying to yourselves, but my organization is different. No. Unless you work for your mom, it's no different for anyone. Loyalty to your employer is as nonsensical as loyalty to a trash can or a box of broken clown shoes. It just doesn't make sense. Loyalty, love, and fairness are what we can expect from people. The legally required minimum is what we can expect from our employer.


Anonymous said...

I'm going to quote you regarding "broken clown shoes" in my two-week notice.

average jane said...

The best advice I was ever given went something like this: Don't feel bad about quitting your job. They wouldn't think twice about dumping your sorry ass at a moment's notice.

I say it was the best advice and yet I didn't take it...

Then I was laid off.
Well, fired.
Well, asked to quit.

So much love.... only good things lie ahead. And tell all your friends over there that my company is hiring like MAD right now. For realz.

MB said...

I don't get why people feel any loyalty to their employer. I guarantee they don't feel the same loyalty to you. (Though I guess technically they could have shoved you all out the same day wih no severance and the number of the nearest unemployment office.)

And people, nobody is required to give 2 weeks notice when quitting. It's just a courtesy. If they aren't courteous to you, then throw them out with the broken clown shoes.

Finally, I cannot wait to watch Oprah and Sally Jesse reruns etc etc with you while you collect unemployment from THE MAN.

MB said...

PS I think once you leave you should spend your days prank calling your job and asking them to send a relief team to assist you.

katastrophe said...

we are too attractive to pivot. give me a break.

Princess Amber said...

I think you should pivot over here. They clearly don't deserve the likes of you, King.

The King said...

I would like to say that Friday Night at the Cat Empire concert I did quite alot of high level pivoting. It was spectacular.

english guy said...

Unemployment is fine as long as you do it in style. If you're not drinking a bottle of super strength lager and shouting at the traffic outside your window by 9am each morning then you need to try harder.

Go easy on the pivoting. It feels good at first, but can really mess you up if you get addicted.