28 December 2007

Home for the Holidays Daily Update: December 28

The Salina Journal is our local paper here at my parents. My parents live, well, a long way from most things. For example, it takes two hours to get to an airport that has jets, and three and a half hours to an airport that has useful flights (The closest airport has great flights to useful places such as Phoenix, Denver, and Memphis). I am sure that some people need to go to Phoenix, Denver, and Memphis, but not me.

I spend a lot of time defending Kansas. I don't even know why I do it- I am not really that fond of the state in which I grew up, but it seems that people have the wrong impression. And that bothers me for some reason. So the brief summing up of my position: it's not a flat wasteland full of red necks, it's cheap and easy to live there, it's a great place to raise a family.

And then I come back and I realize that these are all phrases, that said slightly differently, are used to damn with faint praise.

"She has a great personality" = "It's a great place to raise a family" = "Fugly and boring."
"It's not a flat wasteland" = "But he's really nice!" = "Kind of boring, really."
"It's cheap and easy to live there" = "She's totally a whore." = "No seriously, it's cheap. Cause no one wants to live there."

It makes me feel like a traitor to look at my homeland objectively. Maybe sometimes you just have to love it for love's sake? And then the Salina Journal cements my impressions with the following comments taken from the newspaper December 28:

"Computers Generate Confusion" - an op-ed piece written by a crotchety old man who doesn't like computers.

"Wild Animals Can Always Surprise: Wall Around Tiger Pen Slightly Lower Than Recommended Height" - what. the. hell.

"I won't let my kids eat animal crackers 'cause I don't want them growing up thinking all animals taste the same." - from the section of the newspaper in which readers can call in comments.

5 comments:

crazyspoonhead said...

Amen. I fucking hate Kansas and couldn't leave fast enough. We both left for a reason.

Elisa said...

Hahaha I kinda agree with the animal cookie one. Somehow, that makes a little bit of sense. Although I'm from the South so you probably shouldn't listen to me on such things.

the princess said...

St. Joseph, Missouri update: We got Papa John's pizza last night and the Salina, KS number is on the phone number flier, as well.

Also, I love and hate MO, too. Yes, it's cheap and the people are nicer and you can buy a house for $50,000...but would you want to?

We also have the call-in comment section of the newspaper, which always makes me kind of want to throw up a little bit.

And the last thing: My father for some reason has "Scripture Mints" on his computer desk. My father is not religious, but these are fish-shaped mints with a Bible verse inside. Their motto is "Reaching the world one piece at a time!" I swear.

NG said...

I feed my kids animal cookies and I just realized -- oh my gosh, no wonder my kids won't eat giraffe and elephant. They think it tastes just like monkey and panda bear. Thanks for clearing that up.

Long time vegetarian said...

I'm no expert, but don't most animals taste like chicken?