That's not completely true; I have three pairs of pants. They rotate. But one of them is kind of uncomfortable because when I was in the store I really had to piss and I just sort of grabbed them thinking “yeah, I'll lose fifteen pounds next week”. I have not, to date, kept that promise. I think it is really unfair that I have to spend money on clothes that I only wear to the office. What ever happened to boiler suits? I feel that, while oppressive, the communist impulse to make everyone wear clothing that basically looks like a potato sack does have it's advantages.
I also enjoy making unreasonable bargains with myself, eg “I'll have the body of a Men's Health model by Halloween, and then I'll buy clothes”. To date, all twenty-nine years of my existence have been lived not resembling an unattainable goal. I think other people must actually LIKE trying on clothes and wandering around malls. Otherwise, they wouldn't spend so much time doing it. If all things were possible, I would only wear things I bought at the salvation army. Because the salvation army, that's where you get the snazzy clothes: fedoras, sanabelt pants, bolo ties. And snazzy, my friends, means never having to say you're sorry.
2 comments:
This post may get you expelled from gaydom. Or at least put on probation.
PS I always used that "new Easter outfit" angle too. As if Jesus really cared that I got all prettied up for his resurrection.
It's so true. I don't think Jesus ONCE commented on my new fake leather loafers from Payless Shoes.
Post a Comment