26 September 2006

Cougar's at the Bar (a remembrance of weekends past)

We took the English Guy to Delaware, so he could see what his country men lost, in all it's glory. And so he could better understand the concept of “strip mall” and “huge fat asses”. He learned his lesson quick, that EG, he's wily. Between all the swimming and mall strolling and crab eating, we decided to have some drinks. Yes, the King and friends do occasionally enjoy a fine beverage, or six. We chose “The Starboard” which immediately turned out to be a huge mistake. Basically, all that is attached to the beach in Dewey and Rehoboth is a mistake, really, except for the beach itself. We had chosen to come here voluntarily, so I will stop judging. Well, stop judging so much anyway. Where was I? Judging. That's right.

No, there was nothing wrong with the Starboard, except for the cougars. For my east coast friends, you may not be aware of the significance of the cougar, but if you are from the upper Midwest, or Canada, oh then: you know. Cougars are women of a certain age that go cruising bars for younger men. Sometimes much younger men, i.e. moms with kids in college rubbing up against recent high school grads. It's not pretty. I realize we all have to get our lovin' on somehow and I'm fine with that, but seriously people.

To be honest, they were all very successful, married women from Bethesda, Maryland out on a “girlfriends” weekend, as they kept screaming in high tones. They sat down with us, spilled drinks on us and then insisted that we get up and dance to AC/DC because it reminded them of HIGHSCHOOL. Awesome. Rad. Completely gnarly. Sike. Double-down twin hand SIKE, ladies. Not gnarly at all.

Conversation of the Evening:

The King: Yeah, AC/DC is pretty good.

Cougar: NO! They are THE BEST!

TK: Right, yeah, really good.

C: No! THE BEST! Except for Billy Jowel. I mean JOEL! HA HA! I said Jowel instead of Joel! HA HA! I am so DRUNK! Right ladies! WHOOOHHOOOOOOOOOOO!

TK: (Edging away slowly) Billy Joel is good- I like it when he wears unionsuits.

C: WHERE ARE YOU GOING! Have you ever head the Billy Joel songs about 9/11? I mean, if you haven't heard them then I don't even think you are really American. I mean, you listen to them and it is JUST SO SAD. WHOOOooooHHHoooHOOOO!! BACK in BLACK! My favorite song!

TK: Right then.

C: I want to introduce you to my girlfriends in Bethesda!

TK: I date that guy over there. So I don't so much need to meet girls.

C: Oh wow! That is so great! I mean, I don't think you should be able to get married, but still, that is great!

Seriously: Where do these people come from?


Sweet said...

Ah yes, the Starboard. I ended up there on the Fourth of July and indeed it was rough. I didn't see many cougars. But I did see a guy wearing a Hooters uniform.

Pagan Marbury said...

The Starboard is famous for its Cougar population. There are much better bars in Dewey.

MB said...

So does drunkeness enhance the ability to be offensive? I'm surprised she was coherent enough to sneak that comment in.

Coach said...

Ahhhh... refreshing! Good 'ol fasion conservative values.

english guy said...

I liked it when one of them suggested that poor black people should have their kids taken away from them before running off to grind against some random at the bar. Nothing makes a point better than a booty grind. Nothing.