19 September 2006

Huzzah, the barber who spake not.

Getting one's hair cut is a pleasure for some. One comes in to the barber shop, someone fusses over their head while keeping a running commentary about baseball and the president, and they leave with a freshly shorn scalp. I hate it. I can't seem to keep up a running commentary about anything with a barber. Do I have a chit-chat disorder? Do I have a disability affecting the running commentary part of my brain? A case in point:


Barber: What about that president?

Me: I think he needs to just shut up and deliver some results. I am tired of hear about how everything is great in Iraq when it is clearly falling to pieces.

B: I was talking about the president of the MBA.

M: Uhhhh, ok. I don't even know who that is.

B: judging silence.

M: brooding silence.

B: more judging silence.

M: So, good weather we are having right now, eh?

B: Republicans are the moral saviors of America you know.

M: Riiiiight.

B: super judging silence

M: super broody silence. Can he tell that I am gay? Is he going to give me a lecture about where my penis should go? Am I going to have to punch him?


--twenty five uncomfortable minutes later--


B: That will be 17 dollars.


Isn't it the barber's job to agree with everything the client says? Plus, what is the barber doing asking pointed questions anyway? He's the one with a weapon in his hand. It's not fair to talk politics if one of the people is holding a sharp steel instrument against your ear. Stupid barber.


But I have found the best barber now. He doesn't talk at all. In fact, he doesn't speak English. The shop owner had to explain to him how my hair was to be cut. Perfect. He does speak Spanish, but I didn't tell him that I also habla espaƱol, so we sat there in the comfortable silence that exists between two men who don't want to talk and can't anyway cause they don't speak the same language. Victory.


At least until he starts to learn English.

6 comments:

Sweet said...

So true. I hate talking when I'm getting my hair done at times. It shouldn't be expected. Shame on him for putting his views on you like that -- especially while he has those sharp tools in his hands!

Ar-Jew-Tino said...

I LOVE getting a Latino cutter; I never tell him/her I speak Spanish and he/she is usually too insecure about his/her English to converse. America, fuck yeah!

Anonymous said...

i'm not a barber, but i'm gay, 26 and quite the white cracker. your blogs are brillant. i sooo want to sleep with you.

MB said...

Brock, stop leaving comments on your own blog disguised as anonymous. Whahahaha.

Anonymous said...

This isn't brock...

Coach said...

If I must shed my anonymity to reach your heart, then this is how I shall be known. I want you Badger!