14 September 2006

Ye Olde Tyme English Speake

On our recent trip to the beach, I was reminded that America loves to misspell stuff on signs. And we love to do it on purpose. I drove past a “Ye Olde Worlde Shopping Plaza”, which my friends, was a strip mall that contained a chinese restaurant, a Subway, a shuttered adult-book store, a liquor mart, and a “Curl Up and Dye” Hair Salon. The salon's previous owner's sign was still in the window, stating that “A Hair Affair” was open seven days a week, but did not offer child care service. The shopping plaza was a sad affair, made even more poignant by the fact that the owner clearly thought that by misspelling common words the passer-by would be duped into seeing olde worlde charm where there was none. Or, the owner was from the 14th century. Either way, completely lame, dude.

A List of Purposely Misspelled Signs Seen Last Weekend:

  1. Sea Esta Inn. OK, seriously people: esta is not a word in English. Neither is siesta, but whatever.

  2. The Fishun' Hole. WRONG. Simply WRONG.

  3. Gas n' Guzzle NO. And must never be shortened to just n', unless you want a punch in the face. Amos n' Andy? No. Guns n' Roses? Might let that one slide. Peaches n' Cream? Urge to kill rising...

  4. DelaWARE (tourist shop). I realize this isn't actually misspelled, but this isn't how I roll.

  5. Pine Terraza Manor. This is also not misspelled, but it referred to a trailer park.

  6. Olde Thyme Antiques. This place was like a hovel filled with old glass bottles. So if I keep every jar that my food comes in for like fifty years, does that a business make?

  7. Madjya Look...Good Hair Salon. Sound it out... slowly, now quicker. Now judge it.


Saru-San said...

The Olde Thyme Antiques shoppe (because I assume it is a shoppe) makes perfect sense. It is a tribute to the song... "If I could keep thyme in a bottle..."

Okay, forget I said that. People should just be shot. All people.

Sassenach said...

There's a chain of gas station/convenience stores in the midwest called.....Kum and Go.


Anonymous said...

There's a store in the Outer Banks, North Carolina, that sells assorted nuts. It's called something like "Larry's Nuts" and they have a sign outside that reads "Try My Nuts."

I didn't try them.

Anonymous said...

There is a store in CT called Master Bait and Tackle...I love their worm specials!

MB said...

Curl Up and Dye? Whahahahaa. Best business name ever!!