01 November 2007

You Can Bet Your Ass You Are Going to Thank Me Someday.

What, friend?

You think this greasy mustache is just for the sheer pleasure of having an awesome mustache? You think I just did it so that the men would want to be with me, and the ladies would want to be able to grow a mustache like me?

Oh, you are so shallow, friend.

I am growing this greasy mustache for charity. That's right. To prevent you from getting cancer of the ass. I do all this for the health of your ass. After all, today starts Movember, the month in which one grows a mustache. I bet you want to reward me, don't you? I know you want to shower me with one dollar bills, don't you? No, no, you may not place them in my underwear. That is a dance that is entirely different than the dance we are doing right now.

You can reward me by donating to the cause: The Prostate Cancer Foundation. I am but a simple servant, they are the real brains behind the stopping-of-the-ass-cancer movement.

My team, The Committee for the Restoration of Alex Trebek's Upper Lip Hair (aka Alcohol and Razors) is going to raise at least a thousand dollars. Or maybe more, because, I don't know if you have heard, but we are kind of a big deal. Movember is new in the US- our Australian brothers have been growing lip hair and raising disgusting amounts of cash for a couple years. Help us catch up!

This is where you come in: tune in over the month and enjoy my greasy, child-molesting* trucker mustache while simultaneously contributing all of your spare gold doubloons. I've seen your car. I know you have extras. Let's put them to good use.

*No children will be molested.

Who are these illustrious members of The Committee for the Restoration of Alex Trebek's Upper Lip Hair? Oh, I think we need a veritable montage. One can depict a lot of information in a short amount of time in a montage, so they say.

Our Captain, and my boyfriend, Foxy Moron, looking crazy-young with his now nude chin:

Arjewtino, such a sexy sexy, and now, clean-shaven, jew (also slightly scary looking now):


Mr N, now helping the federal government, with a mustache:


And then there were the three of us who, for various reasons, have no beards to shave:


INPY, who you will find is holding a donors only party at the end of Movember (details to come- just know you have to give me ten dollars to end ass cancer or you have to bring your own beer.)


Rory, who looks to the Right.*


And I, who looks to the Left.*

*Not representative of our actual outlooks on life.

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2 comments:

MB said...

Count me in. I shaved my mustache too and shall begin growing a new one. :0

Arjewtino said...

My favorite part was when you said "ass".