What, friend?
You think this greasy mustache is just for the sheer pleasure of having an awesome mustache? You think I just did it so that the men would want to be with me, and the ladies would want to be able to grow a mustache like me?
Oh, you are so shallow, friend.
I am growing this greasy mustache for charity. That's right. To prevent you from getting cancer of the ass. I do all this for the health of your ass. After all, today starts Movember, the month in which one grows a mustache. I bet you want to reward me, don't you? I know you want to shower me with one dollar bills, don't you? No, no, you may not place them in my underwear. That is a dance that is entirely different than the dance we are doing right now.
You can reward me by donating to the cause: The Prostate Cancer Foundation. I am but a simple servant, they are the real brains behind the stopping-of-the-ass-cancer movement.
My team, The Committee for the Restoration of Alex Trebek's Upper Lip Hair (aka Alcohol and Razors) is going to raise at least a thousand dollars. Or maybe more, because, I don't know if you have heard, but we are kind of a big deal.
Movember is new in the US- our Australian brothers have been growing lip hair and raising disgusting amounts of cash for a couple years. Help us catch up!
This is where you come in: tune in over the month and enjoy my greasy, child-molesting* trucker mustache while simultaneously contributing all of your spare gold doubloons. I've seen your car. I know you have extras.
Let's put them to good use.*No children will be molested.
Who are these illustrious members of The Committee for the Restoration of Alex Trebek's Upper Lip Hair? Oh, I think we need a veritable montage. One can depict a lot of information in a short amount of time in a montage, so they say.
Our Captain, and my boyfriend, Foxy Moron, looking crazy-young with his now nude chin:
Arjewtino, such a sexy sexy, and now, clean-shaven, jew (also slightly scary looking now):
Mr N, now helping the federal government, with a mustache:
And then there were the three of us who, for various reasons, have no beards to shave:
INPY, who you will find is holding a donors only party at the end of Movember (details to come- just know you have to give me ten dollars to end ass cancer or you have to bring your own beer.)
Rory, who looks to the Right.*
And I, who looks to the Left.*
*Not representative of our actual outlooks on life.
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