Learning languages is totally useful and stuff.

This week in Arabic class, we learned how to say "differential equations", as in "I am studying differential equations." Have I ever used that phrase? EVER? No. Will I ever use it? Well, since my repertoire in Arabic is limited, I used in on this dude Wahid who works in my building. He stared at me like I was a total idiot. Then, slowly, he replied, in the most basic of arabic:

NO. I DO NOT STUDY MATH.

Which I didn't understand, because while we have learned the names of the more difficult arithmetic studies, including calculus, differential equations and physics, we have not covered the more general "MATH".

Then he taught me to say "As much as it offends your religion, serve me a beer."

Which is much more hilarious, even if not useful.

Let’s Give Her an Applause

I have been studying Arabic for a couple months now, and our new term started a few weeks ago. My last teacher, while being a very nice person, was not patient. When one is teaching a language, the unforgivable sin is impatience. It’s simply not optional. You must be patient.

My new teacher is patient. And meandering, and hilarious, and crazy, and I like her so very much. My favorite part is her imperfect command of English, which causes hilarity to ensue. She is every encouraging. Who wouldn’t be encouraged by these phrases? But also, she is hilarious, as she actively seems to get angry at Arabic for being so hard to learn.

Quotes from our teacher:

• Now remember, make the mistake. With out the mistake, no one is shoe to know. Mistake! {If only the shoe could know. Everything would be made clear.}
• Very good! Montaz! Let’s give her an app-loose. That’s enough. Good app-loose. {everone loves a good applause}
• Yes, the Arabic seems very confuse. But, you go to sleep with Arabic confuse, but then you wake up! And: Arabic! Confuse. Not to be discouraged. One day you wake up with Arabic no confuse. {Still waiting for Arabic to one day begin to ‘no confuse’. And everymorning! I wake up and there is Arabic! Confuse!}
• Is it on the end? {referring to a marker on the end of words that should be pronounced, but aren’t used very much by the general public} You don’t always use, but sometimes you use, because while using is better, Arabs are sometimes lazy when they talk. So we don’t use. This is called “the slang”.
• Who will be the knight in shinny [sic] armor and read? No one will be shinny armor? No? Then you will read. {Pointing to me, who never wears shiny armor to class.}
• Read is not hard. Just sound out it! {Ma’am, sorry to inform you, but in Arabic read is hard.}
• Oh hamza! Hamza is lazy mark! Bring him a chair! He likes to sit on a vowel. Maybe alif. Alif will make a good chair for lazy hamza. {While I know what she means here, still: then mind wobbles}