Movember Comes to a Close

I'm sorry, does my sexy mustache make you feel uncomfortable? Racist.

Well, it's been an entire month of Mustachioed Glory. It's been great to share the mustache love with the world but it's time for it to be over, to be honest. Parents have started full on grabbing their children and shielding them from me at the grocery store. People edge away from me on the train. And moreover, it's getting long enough that food gets in the ends of it and that is totally wrong and broken.

But, The Committee for the Restoration of Alex Trebek's Upper Lip Hair, AKA Alcohol and Razors, has raised over $3500!! Many times over our original goal of $1000, we thank you so much for your generous donations!

For those of you who hate men and want them to die so didn't contribute, I feel ambivalent towards you. You can, however, buy my love, by donating now!

For those of you who just forgot, all is not lost! Today is the last day, but you can still get your contribution in! Donate now!

Tonight the shaving begins, but before it does, please feast your eyes on the month old mustache, in all it's glory. Mustache, you powerful beast you. We stand in awe.

Mustache Update: End of Week 2

For those of you who have been screaming for an update, there were some difficulties with the technical aspects of posting a picture. Namely, someone lost the cord that charges the camera battery, so J and I had to waste the morning looking for it/blaming the other person. But through the magic of mobile phone technology, I present you with a grainy, low res, yet awesome depiction, of my rocking, child-molester mustache.

There's some candy in my van...

Hurray! I Embedded Things!

I should be given a medal of honor. I worked out one of the simplest things to do ever, by myself, with out even looking more than once at google for directions! I embedded video! Champagne all around. And to celebrate my new found skill, I shall embed yet another video, this time a song by an Australian named Ben Lee. Apparently, there he is loved/hated, like Kelly Clarkson would be here if she could do any songwriting on her own. Oh snap! That's right! I made a pop culture reference! More champagne!

The Machine is Us/ing Us

For some reason, this clip makes me feel all warm and fuzzy and excited inside about the webertubes. I mean, I know that they are just a series of pipes and junk that pours ones and zeros into my apartment and allow me to waste extraordinary amounts of time, but maybe, just maybe, the internets will save us all one day.

Also, my dad sent this to me, which made me feel behind the times, considering it appears that about 10,000,000 people have already seen this clip, and I am not one of them, but he is.

Things that I've done, or, that have been done to me.

I remembered this morning that I have a blog. I was reading another blog and it made me laugh and then I remembered- oh right. There are tens of people out there who are wondering what has happened to me as of late. And so, for my ones of fans who are not related to me and don't already know this, here are the last two weeks, in list form:

Things I Did:

• I painted the apartment with J. Very, very, intense colors. It will take 500 coats of white to return this place to its prior condition. But vive la difference!
• I trapped two mice. They died mysteriously during detention. Investigation pending.
• I scored the highest score in my class at Cheffing School on my first practical and theoretical examination. Hurray!
  
• Before school, I would read at least one book a week. Currently, I have been reading Nigel Slater's Toast for a month now. So far, it's great. I have been trying to read Hosseni's A Thousand Splendid Suns because my sister-in-law wants to talk about it and because it will piss off some of my friends. I'm looking at you, Princess and Arjewtino. Just a word to the wise, not liking something because everyone else liked it is the stupidest form of snobbery. Love with kisses!
• I drove too fast.
  
• I changed the oil in my car. Well, let's be honest. I paid someone else to do it.
• I pillaged IKEA and then, it had its way with me as I tried to assemble its seductively modern furniture.
  

Things Done to Me:

• I was given a speeding ticket. Thanks Maryland!
• I received a strange handwritten note on my car windshield that was most definitely not for me, as I do not know who Patricia is, and I never took the key's from her baby daddy last Sunday when it was raining.
• Safeway's new self-checkout lane charged me 999.99/ lb for red peppers. I was given a significant discount when the mistake was discovered, and good laugh was shared by all. I waited until I was out the front door before I cursed their incompetence.
  
• Chef hit me on the ass with a cutting board. I think he was kidding, but much like an abused puppy I flinch every time he picks anything up.
  

Mustache update to follow.

MOVEMBER UPDATE: Ladies A'Flocking

Dollars Raised: Not Enough. Click Here.
Children Scared: More Than Plenty.
Ladies A'Flocking: Fewer Than Estimated.

You Can Bet Your Ass You Are Going to Thank Me Someday.

What, friend?

You think this greasy mustache is just for the sheer pleasure of having an awesome mustache? You think I just did it so that the men would want to be with me, and the ladies would want to be able to grow a mustache like me?

Oh, you are so shallow, friend.

I am growing this greasy mustache for charity. That's right. To prevent you from getting cancer of the ass. I do all this for the health of your ass. After all, today starts Movember, the month in which one grows a mustache. I bet you want to reward me, don't you? I know you want to shower me with one dollar bills, don't you? No, no, you may not place them in my underwear. That is a dance that is entirely different than the dance we are doing right now.

You can reward me by donating to the cause: The Prostate Cancer Foundation. I am but a simple servant, they are the real brains behind the stopping-of-the-ass-cancer movement.

My team, The Committee for the Restoration of Alex Trebek's Upper Lip Hair (aka Alcohol and Razors) is going to raise at least a thousand dollars. Or maybe more, because, I don't know if you have heard, but we are kind of a big deal. Movember is new in the US- our Australian brothers have been growing lip hair and raising disgusting amounts of cash for a couple years. Help us catch up!

This is where you come in: tune in over the month and enjoy my greasy, child-molesting* trucker mustache while simultaneously contributing all of your spare gold doubloons. I've seen your car. I know you have extras. Let's put them to good use.

*No children will be molested.

Who are these illustrious members of The Committee for the Restoration of Alex Trebek's Upper Lip Hair? Oh, I think we need a veritable montage. One can depict a lot of information in a short amount of time in a montage, so they say.

Our Captain, and my boyfriend, Foxy Moron, looking crazy-young with his now nude chin:

Arjewtino, such a sexy sexy, and now, clean-shaven, jew (also slightly scary looking now):


Mr N, now helping the federal government, with a mustache:


And then there were the three of us who, for various reasons, have no beards to shave:


INPY, who you will find is holding a donors only party at the end of Movember (details to come- just know you have to give me ten dollars to end ass cancer or you have to bring your own beer.)


Rory, who looks to the Right.*


And I, who looks to the Left.*

*Not representative of our actual outlooks on life.

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